Don’t say ‘fuck it’ and let guys start plowing your wife. First of all, Yay for you and her…I was the same way. Hubby brought it up and I was on board right away and kinda jumped right in. It was literally a few weeks from first talk to meeting someone…but those few weeks we did little else but talk about this…and from every angle and every possibility.
I’m as faithful as they come and yet here I am…fucking other guys and loving it. I was also worried that by being on board with it so quickly that he’d be worried that I was hoping for it all along, I wasn’t but like I’ve said here before…I’m human, I like sex, I love men (so much), and I like the attention, flirting and all that, so why turn down an opportunity to get more of those things that I enjoy and my husband enjoys me receiving. If you’re worried things are going too fast then set up a time frame before you start…one guy a month, a quarter, a year, a day…whatever works for you both. Fair warning…we did that, we were planning on one time and then take a few months off…Nope…haven’t stopped yet, never took a break either. So rules can change, be prepared for that.
As much as I’d like to say that asking was the hard part it’s far from it. Start talking to her about it and see how she feels, why she wants to do it and what she expects it to be like for her, for your marriage, for you, for her self esteem, etc. The level of communication and trust needed to successfully do this is insane. I have a ton of posts that advocate this ‘lifestyle’ but I also have some that talk about the downsides and frustrations that come with it I just haven’t posted them here (yet?)
For us, it’s not always easy or fun….we’ve had some differences, hurt feelings and misunderstanding along the way…BUT…we’re still doing it. We have yet to experience anything that would make either of us want to stop, but we have had a few times that we took a step back to re-adjust and compromise on our wants and expectations. Also a few times I felt like he wasn’t really feeling enthusiastic about something so I didn’t want to do it (camming comes to mind).
If you go into in and promise to be 100% honest, good bad & ugly then you have to stick to that and if you’re not loving the way something went down, speak up. If she wants to change a rule she should feel comfortable telling you that. We have a rule that if something needs to be said, even if it’s almost guaranteed to hurt the other person, or if we know going in that it’ll be something they don’t want to hear, we have to talk about it. I think as long as you’re mature adults it’s manageable and a realistic expectation to have. Also….look to her fighting style…does she clam up or go ballistic…if you’re upset about something that happens when she’s with someone would she hesitate to tell you because you go ballistic? Is she likely to hide things from you? That could cause some huge issues…you know her best but I think it’s a good idea to think of her at her worst and make sure you can handle that in the context of hotwifing. I happen to do the radio silence thing when I’m upset so now I make sure I don’t do that if it’s related to this lifestyle, it’s unfair to him and it’s easier to talk things out anyway. That’s just what works for us though.
Negatives for us: I never get enough pictures or videos, I need to call/text & check in more often….I forgot to call when I was leaving once and my husband was within minutes of calling the police and a search party (totally scared that guy off)…so we’ve had our issues and continue to have them. It’s almost a joke at this point, the next day we have the issues talk…he always has a few things that could have been a little better or things that really bothered him…sometimes I have them too, although I can’t remember a single one at the moment. There’s a third person involved and sometimes I’ve had to change things last minute to accommodate them and that never goes over well at home. Recently the lack of pics/video was bothering him because I’ve met the person before and we were all excited about recording us this time…well this dude had ‘stage-fright’ and was just little overwhelmed so for obvious reasons I did’t want to add a camera into the mix….When he came home ready to hear the details he was obviously disappointed. Knee jerk reaction was to think that it was an ‘out of sight-out of mind thing on my part and I was simply so in the moment that it wasn’t important to me. Even though he was under the impression that I had a great time and no pictures to show for it, he didn’t freak out. From his POV I was being inconsiderate and from my POV I was trying to not make the situation awkward for the fwb.
Truthfully, the positives outweigh the negatives and we knew what we were getting into for the most part, as you seem to as well. If we tried and it was horrible we were willing to work it out and move past it, if you can do the same then I say go ahead. It’s made our marriage even better then I thought possible, sexually and emotionally…and it’s really hot, sexy fun for all involved.
AGAIN…don’t just say fuck it…put in a little work before you start and then you’ll be able to enjoy yourself that much more if you both want to make it a reality.
